Thank You Doesn't Seem Like Enough

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I don't normally enter a season of the year with a specific prayer. I think life is more fluid than that. But I am walking into this summer with a specific prayer in my heart and mind. My prayer is that God shows me the light at the end of the tunnel. Let me explain.

The light is a renewed, refreshed and refocused relationship with Jackson. The tunnel is the difficult times we've been having lately. Ok. Maybe that sounds a little harsh. It's not like we're estranged. We still play ball together, wrestle around and laugh at all the bathroom humor that is part of our family. He even asked me today when we could go down that bike path again together.

But there have been those times. You know. Those times. (Carissa says that we don't butt heads. She says we are buttheads.)

So this summer I'm praying for God to help me be the father Jackson needs, because the father he needs now isn't necessarily the father he's needed up to this point in his life. I'm praying that I can be the father who can continue to teach him discipline without being overbearing. The father who can be stern without being a jerk. The father he can turn to for anything at anytime and know that nothing will change my love for him.

Essentially, I'm praying that God uses me to show Jackson a little glimpse of Him. I guess it's really the same prayer I've had since the day he was born, when the light was all I could see.

And right now, he (Jackson, though I'm pretty sure God is there too) is in the living room playing a game with Carissa. And the laughter that is coming from that room is a reminder that he's still the sweet boy I've always known. He's still the one that I'm called to raise into manhood. And right now, God is showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm Not a Fan of Jesus

I was asked on Facebook the other day if I wanted to be a fan of Jesus. Now, normally, when stuff like that pops up, I just click 'ignore' and go on. I've been invited to stop global warming, abolish abortion, honor our fallen veterans, end hunger, protect marriage and even save the great British pub. As if by clicking a button on a mouse I will somehow help any of this.

No thanks. Move on. I want to make a real difference in a real life somehow, someway. (Or at least I want to check all my friends' updates without interruption!)

But when this one came up, 'Become a fan of Jesus,' I hesitated. For a split second I thought, "If I ignore this, am I ignoring Jesus? Conversely, if I click 'yes' then everyone who sees me on Facebook will know I'm a fan of Jesus. And isn't that the point anyway?"

Then I remembered something. Jesus doesn't need me to be a fan. He doesn't want me to be a fan. Fans change their loyalties. They stick with a team or a celebrity when things are good. But when things go south, they find something else to cheer for.

Another word for fan is supporter. Jesus doesn't need support. He's the Almighty! What he wants is devoted followers who are willing to walk behind him no matter what.

What I came to realize (or rather remember) is that my faith isn't based on something someone else says or suggests. It's based on Christ, not a group of his 'fans.' Not clicking that button doesn't lessen my faith or negate the reality that Christ lives in and through me each day.

So no, Facebook, I do not wish to become a fan of Jesus. Instead, I'll do my best to be a follower of Christ, obey his word and live out his love in my life. And hopefully, I'll make a real difference by being an example of what a relationship with Jesus can do.

I'm Letting My Son Fail

Today, Carissa and I are letting Jackson fail, and it's one of the hardest things we've ever had to do.

See, this past year or so we've been working on teaching him responsiblity. But so far, not much has worked. Yes, I know he's a 9 year old boy and responsibility may be a foreign concept, right behind trigonometry and the combustible engine. But I believe God is calling us to at least start teaching those tough lessons now (as we have been for a few years). Because if I wait too long, nothing will work.

I've only been a parent for 9 years, but I've seen plenty of parents of older kids who waited way too long to actually be a parent, to teach those lessons. And I don't want to end up where they are. So today is one of those tough lessons. And it's all about schoolwork.

Now, if you know Jackson, that may sound a little shocking. Let me explain.

He's gotten phenomenal grades all year. He's aced spelling and reading tests, blown math quizzes out of the water and told the TAKS test right where to stick it. No. It's not the big things he has a problem with. It's the daily tasks.

So today, he's turning in not one, but two failing grades - on six-week long homework projects he should have aced. It's not that he hasn't done the work. It's that he hasn't recorded the work. There's a big difference. And the hardest part is letting it happen.

I want to rush in and save him. I want to sit down with him, do the work side-by-side, and show him what it means to be responsible in the daily tasks. But that's not going to do any good.

So we're going to let Jackson turn in those failing grades. We're going to stick with the consequences that we've set out (and trust me, they're pretty extreme). We're going to pray that he begins to finally see what we've been trying to teach him.

But most importantly, we're going to continue to trust God to lead us down the hardest path we've had to walk so far. And we're going to thank Him every day that we get to walk it.

Out of the Slump

2 months. It's been exactly 2 months since I wrote anything here. I got to a point, in my mind, where everything cyber was taking up too much time, too much energy. So I went all self-righteious and stopped most of it. I quit Twitter and stopped blogging. (I apologize for the high and mighty attitude that accompanied my decision.)

See, I'd fallen into a kind of slump as far as writing and I thought going cyber-silent would do the trick to get me out of it. Maybe others couldn't see it. But I could. And I could certainly feel it.

If you're a writer (or just like writing), then you know what I'm talking about. There are seasons when I just plain don't feel like writing. But I realized something over the past few weeks.

The other day my pastor said to me, "Andy, you've been writing a lot lately." My response, "Yes sir. It's what God has called me to do." As those words came out of my mouth, it hit me.

I love writing. Sometimes it's good. Other times, eh. But I love to do it. It's what God has gifted me to do. So to stop using that gift in any way is to thumb my nose at what God wants me to do.

I don't want to do that. Ever. In any way. So I'm going to continue using this blog as an avenue to practice the thing God gifted me to do. I hope you continue to read it. But if not, that's okay too. Because honestly, this is for God. And I'm glad he's bringing me out of the slump.